Life is… Simple!

The last few weeks have been crazy busy! You see I thought organizing a concert would be easy… Simple… Pffft! I was of the belief it was just weddings that were crazy, but this is a whole new level! The biggest wedding I had to arrange involved 70 guests and though time consuming it became kind of fun.

This however is becoming a whole different animal! I spoke to one of my funders and we talked about venues two weeks ago and how I had the choice of three places… The Hammerstein, Below 54 club, which is just off Broadway or a yacht. I explained of how the Below 54 Club seated 150 people, of what a wonderful cozy place it is but I was cut down_ immediately with a “Good grief girl, I can fill a church with a 150 people on a Sunday!” Hmmm Okaaay…

Hammerstein Ballroom

The Hammerstein holds 1,600 and the yacht 1,200 people, simple huh? In the real world it’s like organizing a wedding with1,600-1,200 guests… See? Simple! He wants me to book the Hammerstein and so the yacht it is! On an evening in June with the full moon glinting over the East River from Near South Sea Street Port;-D

One of the decks on the yacht

Oh and then there’s the guest line up. I have worked in some Rock, a little Hip Hop, some comedy and lastly a couple of guest speakers. Of course all well known to everyone. I’m also working with a charity and I have an organization to make donations to from the ticket sales. Then we are also working on a Pay per View version of it online for $5.99 so there’s a production crew for it and of course merchandise of T-shirts with a coupon for a Kindle down load of A Broken Ring, hats, CD‘s, posters… As I was saying… Simple! Oh yes I forgot there’s the PR company for radio and newspapers… So yes as I was saying… Simple!

If you think it’s just me going a little crazy here I’m not alone! See I told Hubby he has a 3 song set too! Hahaha! You  should’ve seen his face! From playing at the local open mic night to let’s say 20-30 people to playing in front of 1,200. Guess who’s panicking now! We just have to get him into a studio to polish him up with a producer…

Oh and by the way, we have to move again. The road floods weekly, ants absolutely love sharing this place with us, it’s drafty cold, the landlord won’t replace the washer/dryer, the fuse box hasn’t been replaced since Sandy so we keep thinking the place could go “Pooft!” up in an electrical fireball and smoke any day because it’s so corroded from the salt water flooding from the tidal surge.

Our flooded road after a normal high tide

You can imagine my surprise then when on finally letting my head hit the pillow on Tuesday night at 1am to wake up at 2am from a nightmare. It included ghost like zombies, they were pretty in fact almost ethereal but nonetheless zombies and they didn’t bite you to turn you into one… No! These evil crazy things just had to touch you! I woke up at the point where one was a cat with white eyes staring at me! I woke up and freaked because my bad, black puddy cat was standing staring at me in the dark! Seriously?! I told myself to calm down think of happy things and go back to sleep. I did but I ended up back in the same bloody dream again! This happened all night, needless to say I was exhausted on Wednesday and dragged myself around all day thinking about how I had “Stuff” to do still. Today I woke up more refreshed and did no work, no writing until now with this post and a little catch up on Facebook. I think the nightmares were a way of telling me to slow down a little… Simple. Yes I do like that word a lot lately. It seems to help keep everything on track and … Well… Simple!

I sometimes tell myself I must be crazy but the support I’m getting is amazing and uplifting and at the end of the day it really is all about spreading the word about violence and abuse, assault and rape. Letting people know they are not alone, that it effects everyone, black, white, straight, gay, women, men and children. Violence doesn’t discriminate but we can heal. We can transform and  become amazing!

In fact I’ve already started creating some cool things in my CafePress shop! Please check them out and let me know what you think. Just click on the picture below. Thank you for all your support and I hope your having an amazing week!

Transformation from Abuse

The reveal! Transformation from Abuse

I just wanted to share with you the new logo for the concert and show I am putting together.

It wouldn’t be so amazing if I hadn’t had the wonderful help from an amazing artist, Susan Cooper of Finding Our Way Now. Her artwork is one of a kind and will be applauding her everywhere I go and raising a glass of vino to her! Susan… Salute!!!

I chose a scarab beetle because it represents transformations (i.e. Healing from Abuse) and the Egyptians believed it was the ‘Protector of the written word’ and purple is the color of the Domestic Violence Ribbon.

It’s going to be on T-Shirts, caps and banners etc!!

So here it is… The big reveal! Ta-Dah!

I hope you love it too!!!

Related articles

• Transformation from Abuse.. My new online show! (clairecappetta.wordpress.com)
• Author Interview with Susan Cooper and D.R.E.A.M. Catchers (clairecappetta.wordpress.com)

International Women’s Day

Of course, I had to post today!

A quick simple straight to the point post for a Friday which is International Women’s Day!

Dedicated to all the women around the world… the brave, the strong, the mothers, daughters, sisters.

To the ones who stand tall through adversity, who survive against all the odds put against them!

This day is dedicated to you!

Related articles:

• International women’s day: voices from around the world – interactive – The Guardian (guardian.co.uk)
• International Women’s Day: political rights around the world mapped (guardian.co.uk)
• Happy International Women’s Day 2013! (abettermedaybyday.com)
• International Women’s Day 2013 (shanepedia.wordpress.com)
• International Women’s Day 2013 – ABC Online (blog) (blogs.abc.net.au)

Author Interview with Joanna V. Hunter of ‘But He’ll Change…”

I am so thrilled to be able to interview Joanna Hunter! I had quietly put her writing up there on a pedestal as I wrote my book, thinking if only I could be halfway as good as Joanna, I would be happy. I later found we were in the same groups on LinkedIn and and an online forum.

Her book is a must for anyone who is in an abusive relationship. It provides help and advice. She was also on The Kathleen Show.

Joanna Hunter is truly amazing and is also offering a Giveaway to one lucky commenter!

So please leave a comment to be entered into the draw!!!!

A brief synopsis of the book, But He’ll Change.

              But He’ll Change; End the Thinking That Keeps You in an Abusive Relationship is a self-help book published by Hazelden in 2010. It received a Nautilus Book Award.

In this compassionate book, Joanna V. Hunter offers women who are coping with physical or emotional abuse the information and guidance that she needed when she was in an abusive relationship. Using expert advice complemented by her story and the stories of other women who have survived and turned away from domestic violence, Hunter helps you face, head on, the messages you’ve internalized that hold you in an abusive relationship. You will learn to

• Identify the lies you’ve accepted and counter them with healthy thinking
• give yourself permission to stop taking the blame for your partner’s behavior
• identify your partner’s power and control plays so they no longer entrap you
• stick up for your own needs and plan for your (and your children’s) safety

With But He’ll Change you will learn new messages designed to help you build strength and hope. You will develop the tools to operate not as a victim, but as a survivor who understands the power you hold to change your life. “Healing means you’ve taken back your power,” writes Hunter. “My hope is that this book will help you shed labels, transcend the past and walk into a better life–the one you’ve always hoped for.”

 What is the ‘back story’ to your book cover and title?

   As a rule, the publisher picks the title. Hazelden’s editors didn’t need to include me in the decision, but they did. We spent time tweaking my working title Yes, but… Fighting the Self-talk that keeps you stuck. Titles need to express the concept of the book in a few words. The editors suggested But He’ll Change — which embodied the hope held most fiercely in the heart of every victim. I knew it would speak to those who needed my book. We clarified the subtitle to — End the Thinking That Keeps You in an Abusive Relationship. At one glance, you know exactly what this book is about.

Click here to go to Amazon for: But He’ll Change

What made you want to become a writer? What was you motivation and inspiration?

          I was always a storyteller. When my mother and I were driving somewhere, she’d say, “Tell me a story.” All my growing up years if I wasn’t drawing, I was writing. I’d pass my stories around to my friends. As an adult, marriage and children took center stage. Trying to keep peace in the home wrought with violence, zapped my creative energy. I remember feeling crushed and old when I turned 31 and was no longer eligible for the Redbook young women’s writing competition. Submitting a story to them was something I’d always yearned to do, but never had the time or energy to follow through.

Did you employ and editor for the storyline, proofreading or editing?

             Hazelden provided me with a terrific editor. She was a dream come true. I knew I could only take the book so far, then I needed new eyes to evaluate it. She was respectful of my work. One thing I really appreciated was that she asked if I wanted her to rewrite the weak sections or if I wanted her make suggestions and I do the rewrite myself. Since I felt I could learn a lot form her, I rewrote the sections with her guidance.

Are you self-published or traditional/ Why did you choose to publish this way?

             My preference was to go traditional. Though, not readily available at that time, I did consider self-publishing.

Being nonfiction, I didn’t need an agent. However, I did have to write a proposal according to the publisher’s guidelines. It took me 6 months to write and pull all this information together. At 100 pages in length, it containing information on everything from what the book is about, why I wrote it, chapter summaries to a market analysis of other books similar to But He’ll Change.

Hazelden Publishing was about the 4th publisher to whom I submitted my proposal.

Do you have any hints or tips that you have found in marketing?

            Hazelden provided me with a Publicist. She advised me to use all the electronic social media opportunities out there, while she sent out a media blast about But He’ll Change. We had a good response and I did many radio and some TV interviews all over the country.

I got busy and created pages on Facebook and Myspace. Author pages on Goodreads, Linked In and Amazon. Developed a blog. Joined Twitter.

What was your most amazing moment in writing your book?

              The way the book was given to me. This was the book I was meant to write. I was working on a novel  about the relationship between two women touched my domestic abuse. While developing the characters, all the reasons I and others (women I knew from therapy) had used to justify why we couldn’t leave our relationships came to mind. I started jotting them down. Before long, I had two pages of statements — but I love him — my children need a father — he doesn’t mean to hit me — If I leave now and he changes, I’ll lose out.

This book awakened me in the middle of the night. I knew I needed to write it. I sat down at the computer and the words flowed. Even style and layout was there. I felt like a conduit in the flow of something important. Experts I contacted for interviews were willing to talk and suggest others to contact. It was an amazing process. Humbling.

If your novel was to be made into a movie which actor would you like to play the leading role?

              This is not likely to become a movie. However, I was contacted by a young actress who had seen my book and was using it as she prepared for a role.

 Is there a sequel forthcoming or any new book in the works?

              I just finishing a final rewrite (is there really ever a final rewrite?) of a work of fiction. Regarding a sequel to this book, yes, I have something forming in my mind.

Do you have an inspirational, motivating or funny anecdote you would like to share?

             I know that there are stories surrounding us, we need only to take a hold of one and write. If we don’t someone else will. I know this through experience. Years ago, I was at my beach house with not a scrap of paper in sight. I had an idea, grabbed a grocery bag and started writing a story about a young woman married to a struggling architect. A wealthy man offers her a million dollars if she’d spend one night with him. I never finished that story. The grocery sack laid in my drawer. Indecent Proposal came out a few years later written by someone who followed through.

Write your book now!

If you would like to know about Joanna, please click on the links below:

Facebook: Facebook

Twitter: twitter.com/HunterJV

Blog:  Moving Up On The “People Who Deserve Happiness“

Goodreads: goodreads.com/author/Joanna_Hunter

Hazelden book store:  Hazelden Book Store

Amazon Author page:  www.amazon.com/author/joannavhunter

Transformation from Abuse.. My new online show!

Yes! You read it right! I’m going to be a talk show host on an online show!… Okay now that you have finished laughing, you can pick yourself up off the floor… Thank you!

You see… I was offered several different opportunities one being a book tour but when I thought about it_ most of my book sales have been Kindle sales. I’m still waiting for Nook to approve it and I’m having difficulties with Kobo but I’ll sort it out when I can. Kindle though has been wonderful, in fact I love it! You pay and BAM!! The book is there! How cool is that?

I sat down down and thought how crazy a book tour would be when just about everything I do is online! Therefore an opportunity online would seem to be the most fun way to go and VIOLA! It slam dunked it’s way right into my lap. Now those of you who have followed me know that I like to involve as many people as I can into a good thing… Spread the happiness, so to speak!

So here we go!

Transformation from Abuse – The new online show!

I am going to be hosting an online show called Transformation from Abuse. It will be aired worldwide as the internet is… Well.. Worldwide! Haha! Oh boy, can you tell I’m tired!

It will air twice weekly from NYC and will have a Twitter feed so the at home audience can ask questions in ‘real time’. There will be a set with a sofa, myself and a fully trained psychologist. Each episode we will have a different guest from celebrities, politicians, victims, survivors, doctors, advocacy groups… to be honest the list is endless!

We are then going to take it on the road! State to State, Coast to Coast! (This is where Claire fulfills one of her bucket list items… a t-shirt from every State! hee-hee). We will be meeting and introducing people from all around the country who is involved in abuse issues.

I hear you “Not my bag!” Your saying well not the case as there will be humor mixed in as well as some amazing healing techniques incorporating mind and body!!

To launch this wonderful show we are going to have an awesome concert! Yes! Here in NYC! Very R&B, very soulful!

On this night we are going to sell t-shirts with the logo on it, not only that but each t-shirt comes with a coupon of a free download of A Broken Ring!!!

Susan Cooper

Now one of the coolest things to all of this is the logo… Which I’m not releasing yet but you know it’s going to be awesome when I tell you Susan Cooper of Finding Our Way Now has been involved! Oh yeah baby! I have an original Susan Cooper graphic!!  Awesome!! Oh? You want a clue? It’s purple!! And no it’s not a ribbon! Fooled you!

Actually, on a serious note… It is fast becoming an amazing adventure more than I could have hoped for. It is becoming much more than the book… It is now becoming a whole new animal… One of healing, one of getting the word out there about abuse, one of letting people know they are not alone, giving a voice to people who are normally too scared to speak out as they can remain anonymous with an ‘Escape Button” on the site. A way of bringing communities and people together. I want people to come away from watching the show feeling empowered, inspired and totally uplifted! It will be about us, about ‘We the people!’ together, making a difference in this world as best we can!

Here is the video I have put together, as I updated my Indiegogo Campaign to incorporate the show as every little bit helps!

Now before you watch it think about this! There is a slide who someone put together for me and I have done so much reading and writing lately that I became word blind and missed a couple of grammatical mistakes. Thankfully, Sharla Shults found them for me but before I correct it I thought it might be fun to hold a little competition! First one to comment and say where they are will win a free Kindle Copy of A Broken Ring! Ta-Dah!!

So with out further ado here it is! And please every dollar, penny, pound… gold sovereign will help the show if you could take a minute to visit my Indiegogo Campaign here. I thank you most humbly!

My Little Angel!

A little while ago I used to post my husband’s poetry, which he kept telling me were actually songs but isn’t it sort of the same thing just one is set to music and the other well… Not! lol

Finally he sat down and worked out how to record them. Last week he invited me into his little musical den and played a song he had recorded, telling me he had written it for me! I have to tell you I can be pretty critical but I loved it, the haunting tones. It’s just Vin completely! I secretly sent it to a friend who passed it to a producer friend and now it looks like he’s got to write songs to go with my books! When I told him he acted a little shy… but I know better!! lol

I really hope you like it too!

I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Next week I’ll be sharing another awesome Author on Wednesday

AND

I have a secret I have been working on to tell you too!!!

The ‘Historic’ storm called Nemo

We prepped like crazy, just like all good “We’ve all just been through Sandy” Long Islanders and braced for what was termed as a “‘Historic” Nor’easter storm.

Well_  Boston and Massachusetts were slammed instead… The Weather Channel said we were in it’s path of horrendous winds and snow. I have to say the winds weren’t too bad and we only managed 2 feet of snow! ;-( ( Hey I’m from Yorkshire! We are used to getting a normal snow fall of between 2-4 ft with drifts!)

The really good thing was… We kept power! Hurray!

I did take a video but for some reason unknown to me You Tube’s page won’t load for me, therefore no embed code so in the meantime I’ll share some piccies of this morning with you of how our little road looked. Hope you like ‘em

Brrr! Hope all who were in the track of this storm stayed safe, dry and warm.

My heart goes out to all those people who did lose power.

 

 

A Broken Ring and Stalking Liberty ~ Here we go!

 Hurricane Sandy really messed it up for me last time so here I am having another ‘bash’ at Indiegogo! Even though my handheld video camera died and my webcam bites! lol I ran one before but was hit by Hurricane Sandy and it was difficult to run it with no power. So here we go! This below is my plea for help in crowdfunding

“I’m a great believer in helping people and empowering them in understanding. 1 in 3 women are either beaten or raped a year across the world. That’s 1 BILLION and that’s 1 BILLION too many! 1in 5 men are beaten and raped too!

Think about it for a minute when you see people in the stores or down your road. It’s happening near you. It could have already happened to you, a friend… a work colleague…

I wrote A Broken Ring as a healing tool which has gone on to be published late last September and by October the word about it was spreading but then we were hit hard by Hurricane Sandy which halted everything.

A little difficult to storm ahead with no power after a flood! But I’m back up and running. I need people like you to help me, to come on this journey of love and inspiration with me!

Advocacy groups who have read A Broken Ring have used the word “Inspiring” too me but my main goal is to let people know they are NOT alone. That we are there to say ‘We understand!”

 My sequel in the Ride to Liberty is also finished, Stalking Liberty. Each book ends with a wonderfully empowering message.

 A teaser… Click here for the first chapter of A Broken Ring!

Lets stand up together

Shout out

We are not alone!

We shine bright!

 What We Need & What You Get

Breaking it down:

• A Broken Ring is getting rave reviews but I need to hire a publict to spread the word which will cost me $4,000 to get started and the final draft of Stalking Liberty needs a professional editor which costs $1,000
• There are some really cool perks too!
• Signed copies of A Broken Ring.
• Skype call.
• Being listed in the Contributors page.
• A character named after you in the last installment of the trilogy… don’t worry the character will be a ‘Goodie’ not a “Baddie”!
• If the goal amount is not reached I will beg, steal and borrow until it’s reached because it’s just too important to help people!

The Impact

• Together we can raise awareness for both women and men who need help.
• We can help people who feel alone and isolated, knowing there are others out there who experienced similar circumstances and found freedom through healing and self renewal and empowerment.
• It is already in the libraries of Healing groups and Domestic Violence Shelters for example: Hope Healing House in Grove City, Ohio and the New York Suffolk County Coalition of Domestic Violence.
• There are whispers in the ether of a 40 city book tour on college campuses in April to raise awareness amongst the youth and a made for television movie from A Broken Ring!

Other Ways You Can Help

Some people just can’t contribute, but that doesn’t mean they can’t help:

I understand times are tight financially for some people but it would really help if you could spread the word and share it with friends and family.

Please share on Facebook, Twitter, Google+… Pigeonagram!

And that’s all there is to it. Thank you for taking this journey with me!”

A Broken Ring and Stalking Liberty’s Indiegogo Campaign

Related articles

• Wichita Women’s Shelter Sees Rise In Domestic Violence Victims (kake.com)
• Anti-stalking advocates seek tougher laws in Wyoming (billingsgazette.com)
• National Stalking Awareness Month 2013 (nichellemitchem.typepad.com)
• The Violence Against Women Act: Get It Done Congress (theobamacrat.com)

Could you forgive and forget?

We all have challenges to face in life. Some are wonderful ones that we keep as long treasured memories, others are stressful and I consider these challenges as ‘Learning Curves” to try and better understand people around us.

I have written in the past about domestic abuse. That this effects not only women but men too. I wrote about this as: Abused men When relationships turn bad. I wrote that post because I was thinking about my husband. In some of the posts I have shown us having fun at events or the Christmas in New York. I have even added some of his poetry, which many of you have loved and which he’s trying to turn into songs, putting music to them with his guitar. He turned to poetry and music to vent his past. He was in a 25 year abusive marriage. His wife is addicted to pain medications and alcohol. I say is because sadly she has been in and out of Detox facilities and Rehabs over the last ten years, never completing a rehab because she always had an enabling boyfriend, her relationship was a long one, roughly… 18 years by our calculations. My husband finally left 10 years ago, after pleading with her to stop seeing this man… but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to leave her boyfriend but yet she didn’t want my husband to leave either.

Through the alcohol she became violent, very violent. He stills bears the scars where she scratched his face and drew blood. He still bears the emotional scars of her threatening him with a kitchen knife. For him and his children it was a terrible time and when my husband left the home, under the advice of Police, she couldn’t cope. His eldest move out and a year later he gained custody of his youngest. His wife went to live with her boyfriend.

Why am I posting about this today? Simple. Because last week after years of chemotherapy her boyfriend was taken into a hospice. The result of this was his ex-wife tried to commit suicide… again. The second attempt this year. Why? Because she has difficulty facing the future on her own. You see, all the partying, the alcohol etc has had one big side effect – Schizophrenia. She was diagnosed with this 10 years ago and has been on disability because of it since.

People tend to think of the side effects of being an alcoholic is kidney and liver failure – true. Also damage to the brain – true but combine this with other concoctions and you get Schizophrenia.

It is so sad to think that once a while ago this was a vibrant woman and not the one we see now. One we see suffering from auditory hallucinations, paranoid or delusional, disorganized speech and thinking. This illness also brings with it major depression and anxiety disorders. She will hear people not there talking to her. There will be moments where she ‘opts’ out of the current situation and don’t get me wrong this is not like PTSD where the mind crashes but we are fully aware of where we are, we just can’t get the thought processes up and running for a second, like a 2 second computer crash but we are here, no it’s not like that, this for her is a sudden total shut down, like she is asleep, then suddenly she comes back to life. Her speech is mumbled and at times incoherent, sometimes joining in conversations with the family, the next with herself. To make matters worse for her it comes with short term memory loss too.

When I researched it, to try and understand why she does the seemingly crazy things she does it started to become clear. It isn’t but it’s almost akin to Alzheimer’s, but sadly schizophrenics are depressed, very depressed and suicide is usually successful for them. It was for my husbands ex-wife last week but she was in the hospital, in ER and they brought her back. Now people who are supporting her are hoping and praying that she will enter a long rehab facility, at least two years, to become dry, to try and become a functioning member of society who can finally understand herself.

Usually family and friends desert schizophrenics because they lose patience with them, get angry at them. This leads to many homeless and living on the streets. His ex-wife’s family has deserted her… The only people who haven’t are a couple of her friends, her children and my husband… Let me repeat that last little bit for you, my husband. Even though he has scars from her, memories of her trying to drive them both off a bridge after a hospital visit, the beatings he took, the verbal and mental abuse over the years.

Trust me… He doesn’t forgive nor does he forget but if you needed one man to be there for you in the worst of times as well as the best, he’s there. A true and loyal friend, even when you’re an abusive ex-wife.

Do you think you could support someone like this? Could you? Think about it… Someone who physically tortured, beat and mentally abused you? I’m not sure I could to be honest with mine or maybe I would, because her situation is different to my abusers. I know neither of us hold any ‘ill will’ to her.

If I met my abusers I would still like to poke their eyes out with a wet ferret… Sorry that’s an old Yorkshire saying -  “It’s better than a poke in the eye with a wet ferret!” Seriously… would you want to tackle a wet ferret? No… You wouldn’t…!

Related articles

• Coping With Schizophrenic Hallucinations and Delusions (everydayhealth.com)
• Schizophrenia Myths and Facts (everydayhealth.com)
• Spotting the Signs of Emotional Abuse (everydayhealth.com)
• Auditory Hallucinations: A Demonstration (saintleoinkblot.com)
• When Schizophrenics Don’t Recognize Their Illness (everydayhealth.com)
• Treating Depression and Alcoholism in Alcohol Rehab (casapalmera.com)
• Can Drug Use Cause Schizophrenia? (everydayhealth.com)
• We are the battered husbands (express.co.uk)

National Stalking Awarenes Month 2013 is here

January is Stalking Awareness Month 2013

Each month is dedicated to some cause now. For me October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, April is dedicated to National Assault Awareness Month, but this month it is National Stalking Awareness Month which impacts 1 in 6 women and 1-in 19 men.

That’s a lot of people here in the US!

Think about how many people you know friends, family, in the work place. At some point of them, maybe even you have been or will be effected by someone stalking them. Those are frightening figures.

A stalker is terrifying, you lose all sense of freedom when you are wondering if they are watching you and when.. Are they watching you when you have dinner with friends? Calling you constantly?Does your inbox constantly get bombarded with messages from them? Or Twitter, Facebook… Any social media? Are they watching you while you go about your daily life in your own safe home?

It usually starts with the phone calls. The endless calls, when the phone rings and you recognize the phone number.

How to recognize a stalker:

• You go to your local stores and they ‘accidentally’ run into you and try to start conversation.
• You are driving and you look in the rear mirror, only to see that they are two cars behind you.
• It is late at night, you look out of your window and their car is down the road parked, engine and lights off, in total darkness.
• They call at your house wanting to talk to you, to reconcile the relationship.
• You find messages, emails, letters, gifts and small packages left for you.
• They start to threaten you and your loved ones.

It makes you feel vulnerable, stressed, fearful and threatened. Your privacy is gone and you have a stalker.

Stalkers have different psyches. It can be the jilted lover, husband or wife. It can be a co-worker, an admirer or friend, a social media ‘friend’. They come from all occupations and lifestyles.

What to do if you have a stalker:

• Make sure safety is paramount in your home, check the locks on all doors and window locks work etc. and the phone cable outside is out of reach.
• Rally your friends, family and co-workers for help and support.
• Keep a journal of all the events
• Get an additional phone number and keep it private. You must keep the old number and let it go to voice-mail, do not answer it or engage in conversation at all.
• If it is an ex-lover, calmly and politely tell them you are not interested. Do not get angry or shout this can acerbate the situation.
• Inform the police. Every state has Stalking Laws; I know the UK calls them Harassment Laws, this I know as the police told me I would be one of the first to use it when it passed in June 1997. (It worked too; my stalker was found guilty and now has a criminal record)
• Find a network or group in your area to help you.
• One of the first options you will be given is an Order of Protection, or a Restraining Order. This can work, but it can also push them over the edge to be violent or make them more determined.
• Always before starting a relationship, trust your instincts, if they say run, then run. Never communicate, talk or respond to a stalker. They can become violent and murderous.

I list all the above to help people understand what it means. The word ‘Stalker’ is banded around as a flippant joke, but when it happens to you, it is debilitating and frightening, even those of us who know we are strong and tough!

When it happened to me, I took all the advice I could and when it didn’t stop, I was strongly advised by the police that I sell my home and move away, far away…350 miles difference in fact (Which in the UK is regarded as far!). When a police officer tells you he believes your stalker has murderous intent, you tend to make plans to move quickly! It didn’t stop until after the court case. I still received phone calls at my new place of work, but when the Magistrates Court declared him guilty and threatened him with imprisonment. It stopped.

 

If you have a stalker please don’t think you can handle it all by yourself. Get help! There are people out there dedicated to helping you. You do not have to go through it on your own, terrified. Know you are not alone!

As the National Stalking Organization says:

Stalking: Know it, Name it, stop it!

www.rainn.org

www.safehorizon.org

www.ncvc.org

www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2012/12/31/presidential-proclamation-national-stalking-awareness-month-2013

Related articles

• Stalkers find friend in GPS technology (kansascity.com)
• Local counseling center works to shed light on stalking during national awareness month (ktbs.com)
• New Law To Tackle Stalkers Comes Into Effect (news.sky.com)
• Scotland’s oldest sex stalker confesses to preying on second elderly victim (dailyrecord.co.uk)
• Stalkers face five years in jail to curb risk of them turning violent (thetimes.co.uk)
• Do the new stalking laws show we are taking this crime seriously? (guardian.co.uk)
• Stalking Bloggers in 2013 (breezybooksblog.wordpress.com)
• #India -The Bitter Truth Regarding Delhi Police’s Womens’ Help-Line #Vaw #Justice (kractivist.wordpress.com)